Hmm...been a while

Been a while, but I promise I am still around. Random things still occur and you might just see a few here!
Live, Laugh, Love - Always and Forever!
NillaMama

There are some days that you know your purpose in life, and other times you can do nothing but question your true purpose. It’s been so long since I have posted I wonder if I should start a new blog. I still love fortune cookies, but I don’t obsess about them.

Life is always in flux and I am in shock that it has really been this long since I have posted. I miss writing and hope to return soon. 

When this semester of classes is over - I'll try to catch everyone up. So much has happened and so much has changed. 

Life is a journey with no real map, if you think you are following one...check again! There are some places that Siri and Google Maps cannot track. 

For now - Live, Laugh, Love!

Thank you Sassy for your inspiration - 

Facing the Test...Returning!

Lamentations 3:40 - Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the LORD.

My ways have been lacking. There really is no need to test them and I hate to even bring it to the light that my ways are lacking.

Let me clarify – I have not lost faith. My God is an awesome God, He holds me up in His warm embrace of love. He is my strength, my breath, and my hope. I pray everyday, I turn my thoughts to Him and His will. His Son strengthens me and the Holy Spirit fortifies me.

Okay, I am really not trying to sound preachy or holier than thou…cause trust me, I am not. I fall everyday. I struggle everyday. Every. Day.

Doesn’t everyone? Every. Day? I think if you answer no, you are kidding yourself.

You may not even recognize your struggles, or if you do – you will not acknowledge them. Perhaps a certain river comes to mind. (De-Nile…Denial, get it? Haha – really, really old joke!)

Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the LORD.

What kind of test can I expect?

I know, I know where I am falling short. And even in the admission, I am sure that there are more ways that I am falling short of living the life that our Father has envisioned for me. Yes, I believe that He has a life planned for me. Through everything that I have been through, all the good, bad and ugly I have experienced…I know He has a plan. The God of heaven and earth that has numbered every hair on my head – He has a plan!

Do I expect to know it in this mortal body? Can I fully appreciate it with my imperfect heart? Are there parts of my life that I cannot even begin to imagine the WHYs of? YES!

And, I suppose that is part of my test.

Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the LORD.

I need to return to the Lord. I know it with my mind, I know it with my heart, I know it in my soul. I feel him calling to me.

How can I say that? How do I know? When I decided it was time to do a post, I went to my Happiness Mug (don’t know what that is, click here and see!) and pull out a Fortune. I pulled out, “You will make through the tough times, keep your chin up.” I just couldn’t.

Sometimes a Fortune Cookie can be incredibly insightful. But, tonight I couldn’t do it. I felt pulled to just type, “Bible Verse of the Day” into my browser bar…and Google brought me here.

Feels a little like being “talked to.” I just got called out. He wants me to return to Him.

Return to worship, return to praise, return to His house. He wants me to keep my chin up, to remember He has the Master Plan.

It is really hard some days to keep that simple thing in mind. I will pray for you – please pray for me!

~Live, Laugh, Love,
Vanilla Mama

Gold Fish are Dangerous Pets

I will preface this post with - this was an organizational speech given for a class I am taking, it tickled me so much, that I wanted to write it out and post it. It is tongue in cheek for sure - 

Gold Fish are Dangerous Pets!

My name is “Fish-Killer.” I have come by it honestly, it runs in my family. It’s not that I hate fish, but it seems I have a knack for killing them. After some research though, it turns out – being a fish killer may not be a bad thing. I have learned through my many years as an attempted fish-owner that Gold Fish are dangerous pets to have. They can be emotionally damaging, dangerous for the environment and even physically dangerous! I know this is a shocking statement and this may have some reeling, but as a reformed fish killer, I do find it my responsibility to inform you!

Imagine a child’s joy of owning their first pet, maybe it was won at a fair and carried home in a plastic baggie, or maybe it was chosen after an entire afternoon at the pet store. Either way, the Gold Fish came home and soon there was a bowl and rocks! It is fed a little, it is fed a lot, before too long that beloved Gold Fish is found belly-up and it has to be flushed. Devastating -

I know that is the cycle of life…but what, just what if a child has a pet Gold Fish and goes on vacation and the parent says, “Let’s let Goldie go swimming with the ducks in their duck pool.”

What do ducks like to eat? Gold Fish!

This small child gets back from vacation and runs across the lawn to catch their precious Gold Fish only to come up empty netted – emotionally damaged for life! (The parent referred to in this scenario has since been forgiven!)

What happens to all these Gold Fish (besides the ones that are eaten by neighbor’s ducks)? Are they flushed, thrown out? How are they bad for the environment? Gold Fish excrete massive amounts of ammonia and changing the water creates toxic waste that needs to be disposed of safely. How many of these deceased fish end up in the landfill, or thrown out in the back year – just the ammonia alone has to be processed by the sewage plants or absorbed into the environment somehow…but, what about the unwanted Gold Fish that are released into the wild?

Monster Gold Fish found in Lake Tahoe have formed a colonies, some as large as 1.5 feet and weighing in at 5 pounds. These Gold Fish have proven to be a very invasive species of fish that can take over the ecosystem, eating everything in their path and growing at accelerated rates. (Arciero, 2013) It is not just a problem here in the United States but, but it is happening in the UK as well and Anglersnet.co.uk warns reader to make sure to dispose of their pet Gold Fish in an appropriate way. (Elton, 2007)

So this innocuous little Gold Fish can be damaging emotionally for a small child, or even an adult like me and even how it can be bad for the environment, but how is it physically dangerous. Since 1939 at parties, for jokes and even for frat challenges, live Gold Fish swallowing has been a popular challenge  (Meyer, 2011). Today there are YouTube that can be found with individuals swallowing live Gold Fish. Back in 1939 doctors warned of parasites, tape worms and food poison, but the warning apparently has gone unheeded. These days it is even more dangerous to swallow live Gold Fish due to the chemicals used to treat them, chemicals like Malachite Green, is used to treat fish for parasite and diseases; this chemical is a known carcinogen. I repeat, Malachite Green is known to cause cancer. Gold Fish are not intended for human consumption. (Boyle, 2010)

But, what if the average person is not intending to swallow the Gold Fish and this said person is a happy Gold Fish owner. Just imagine what happens if this unsuspecting owner changes the toxic ammonia water, slips, falls and cracks their head open in front of their child?! It is a two-fer! The child is emotionally damaged and the parent is physically hurt – Gold Fish are dangerous pets!

This cold water, ammonia producing scaled fish can be emotionally damaging, bad for the environment and physically dangerous. After many years, I have graduated from a fish killer to a happy tropical fish owner. I have a 30 gallon tank with 25 different aquatic creatures, but I will NEVER have another Gold Fish. I am truly too emotionally scarred and I would never want to put my seven year old through the kind of trauma that I have experienced.

(and yes, I am OCD enough to do a little research!)

Arciero, R. (2013, Febuary 21). Monster Gold Fish Found. Retrieved from Examiner.com: http://www.examiner.com/article/monster-goldfish-found-giant-goldfish-lake-tahoe-invading-a-real-danger

Boyle, J. (2010, Feb 14). Don't Eat Goldfish, it can Cause Cancer. Retrieved from Gold Fish Care Information: http://www.goldfishcareinformation.com/2010/02/dont-eat-goldfish-it-can-cause-cancer-and-make-you-sick.html

Elton. (2007, May 9). Anglers.co.uk. Retrieved from Dangerous Goldfish: http://www.anglersnet.co.uk/News/dangerous_goldfish.html

Meyer, A. (2011, January 12). National Museum of American History. Retrieved from The Year of the Gold Fish: http://blog.americanhistory.si.edu/osaycanyousee/2011/01/1939-the-year-of-goldfish-swallowing.html

Tomorrow is another day ~

Good night world...Live it, Laugh it, and Love through it all! There are Hugs for All, Love to be shared and Prayers to offer up. Tomorrow is another day and if He brings you to it, He will bring you through it - even if it is a tight squeeze, trust the one who lifts you up!

I have been snowed under with classes, work and family, but I am still collecting fortunes and Bible verses!

More to come....Thank you for checking in with me!

Yours ~
Vanilla Mama

Live it, Laugh at it, Love it! 2013 - Go Gentle!!

There is no fortune cookie to ring in this New Year…

As 2012 is finally ending and 2013 is about to come on the stroke of midnight, I have spent some time reflecting.

In all honesty, this has been one of the worst years of my life. There have been so many losses and changes (not all bad) that my heart and mind are having a hard time keeping up.

When I am lying in bed at night (or in the wee hours of the morning) I can either pretend that none of it ever happened, or I relive each moment of it. Last night, I dreamed that my brother was still here…that as part of a medical experiment they were able to bring him back. They had not told us he was still alive until they knew for sure that he was going to make it. In my dream, I went to answer the door and through the peep hole, I saw him. The joy was overwhelming…simply and utterly overwhelming. Then I woke up.  I woke up and wanted only to fall back asleep into that dream, but reality has a twisted way of creeping back in.

I have lost a best friend, my father, my brother, a business that I loved went under, a ministry I have worked with for almost 10 years is undergoing many changes (and I am NOT part of them), I got a new job…I got another new job with in the same college. I work with amazing people all around; have a supportive husband, an incredible mother and three kiddos that mean the world to me, a strong sister-in-law and two beautiful talented nieces.

The blessings are there to be counted. I am trying to focus on the positive, on the happy.

It is just so hard sometimes to lift myself up and put on the rose colored glasses.

This coming year I am sure will bring more changes, but I pray with all my heart no more losses.

I am working on finally getting my degree and at 40 years old…I think I have a direction for my life. (About time, right?!) My oldest son is thriving at college, enjoying playing college ball and continues to touch people with his heart, my middle son blows me away with his personality, brain and sense of humor and my youngest, I am just watching to see where his smarts will take him.  

May your New Year be filled with joy, all your fortune cookies be silly and your hearts be lifted.

Thanks for reading and hopefully growing with me. I can’t promise to be more regular…but I can promise to…

Live, Laugh, Love!

Vanilla Mama

Mission of Fortune

“Let your life be a mission, not an intermission!”

This year has been the worst year in my memory, as a family we have lost so much. My father, my brother, my friend (not a death, but now she is somebody that I used to know)…our hopes, our dreams. Changed, rearranged…the normal changed to a bizarre and surreal abnormal. Life altered and hopes destroyed. How, how do we move on?

I am right now in an intermission…I want the pause. I want, I need a break from reality. My breath is held. Waiting for peace. Begging for peace. Desiring nothing more than to wake up from this cruel dream.

A mission, how can my life be a mission? How can I pick myself up and stop this…stop this madness, stop this intermission? I do not know.

Even now, when I see a picture of my father or my brother, my breath catches in my chest and I am immobilized with grief. A sudden memory of them will freeze me. Knowing that there is such a vast hole, a deep black hole where they used to be crushes me.

Every day is step by step. Each moment is breath by breath.

I know that prayers and Christ lift me up, and my unceasing prayer is that this loving God that I cannot claim to understand – show me what my mission is. In all honesty, I cannot see it…cannot feel it…cannot begin to understand. 

“Let your life be a mission, not an intermission!”

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28. I am working toward this, I believe it. Sweet Lord in Heaven above – take my life, and lead me.

Live, laugh, love ~ like there is no tomorrow -

Vanilla Mama

PS…I am sure there are lucky numbers on the back of this fortune, the mission I charge you with is to make sure you tell the ones that you love…that you LOVE them. All our days are numbered and we do not know how many we have.

Brotherly Love

Remembering Steven - 

My Brother and I in March - I Miss you Steven, I Love you!

Steven Earl ****, 6’6”, 362, 38 years old….Born: November 28, 1973. Died: September 21, 2012 unexpectedly of pulmonary thrombosis in his sleep. To most people he was Steve, or Steven – but he was well known to us as Steven Earl, that’s what Mom or Dad would yell when he was in trouble.  When we were little I used to put bricks on his head to keep him from getting taller than me – It clearly didn’t work. That may be why he started finding unusual places to sleep. We would find him sleeping under tables, on the stairs, any quiet place…more than likely anywhere away from his big sister trying to “play” with him.

He was a son, brother, husband and father. He was a friend…to all of us.

If you or someone you know currently has or has ever had the password *************(changed to protect the innocent) to one or more of your electronic devices – I know that you are a friend or family member of Steven’s and relied on him for help to set up your computer and internet. He was our techie – he introduced us to MP3’s, ripping and burning disks, wifi and tried to keep us up to date with technology. 

He had a unique sense of humor – of course many jokes needed to wait until kiddos were out of the room!  But, he could even make the littlest ones laugh. Steven was to them, a big kid. My boys always wanted to know if they could stay the night with Uncle Steven, or when he would be coming over again so they could play.

He loved to play games – whether it was a video game, board game or trivia game. If he suggested playing a game, I knew it was a good one. Fact or Crap, Trivial Pursuit, Apples to Apples, Rayman, Guitar Hero, Mario, Xbox, Wii, PlayStation…He knew them all and not being a ‘gamer’ I know I am leaving out many more.  I do know that He could be the most aggravating person in the world, he would annoy you and push your buttons until you just about lost your temper then could disarm you with a wicked grin and saying something perfectly silly or incredibly inappropriate.  He really was the king of inappropriate humor.

Mary, his wife, called Steven her “Laughter.” Through thick and thin – through ups and downs, Steven was her laughter and her rock. And I know that she and the girls were his greatest joy. 

When I asked for memories of Steven from friends and family, so many people referred to him as a gentle giant – and while it is not in print – a few called him Grizzly Adams. Here he was this big, tough looking man (did I mention he was 6’6”?), all burly with a curly beard worried about a baby squirrel not being able to climb a tree. His heart, his spirit through it all was tender…he was a gentle giant.

Steven did not have an easy life, he struggled with constant pain and inner demons – but this man through it all left us with an incredible gift. The gift of his love.  I know he is looking down on us all amazed at how many people are here to celebrate his life. I do not think he ever realized how much he meant to us all.

The little booklet (given out at the funeral) is full of memories that friends and family sent, the theme of all of the memories together is a testament to his heart. I know we all have special memory of Steven – whether it was calling him for computer advice, laughing with him over a private joke or watching him with his girls. He was a big kid and connected with his girls, my boys and so many other kiddos. They loved to play with him, they trusted him and would sometimes open up to him when they would let no one else in. He didn’t judge them, he didn’t judge us.

I feel blessed by his love, even now. All of us have been blessed by Steven in one way or another. Smart, funny and giving.

Live, Laugh, Love~

Vanilla Mama

Training Fortune

“Let us train our minds to desire what the situation demands.”

Can I have Alice, PLEASE?!

I have certainly begun a new chapter in my life…I have taken a greatly reduced role in the ministry work I have worked in for the last 9 years, I am working a full time job at a community college, and now I am also a very part time student with a husband who travels 50% of the time and despite all his hard work, layoffs are coming down the pike.

What I want…I want to be independently wealthy without a care in the world. I want to sleep until noon, have a housekeeper named Alice who will take care of me and my family, I want to already have my Master’s degree instead of working on my Associate’s! I want to wake up tomorrow and be completely fit and be able to eat whatever on this planet I crave!

However, that is not my reality.

My situation demands something completely different than what my mind wants.

What does my situation demand? It demands frugal living, time management, dietary discretion, organization and a drive to succeed.

These are not wants…these are not idle “I wish” things – these are demands that I must fulfill. But, my mind falls back into its whiny brat mode and stomps its feet to have its way. Pitches a little hissy fit – Jeesh, my mind can be such a PAIN!

If I let my bratty brain have its own way….I shudder to think!

“Let us train our minds to desire what the situation demands.”

How on earth do I go about this? Buy (NO – borrow from the library) a self-help book? Search internet blogs with tips and suggestions? Rejoin FlyLady (that is actually a REALLY good idea!) and take baby-steps to getting my brain trained?

I know that with each baby-step I take towards training my bratty brain, my heart will desire the results and that will help train my mind even more.

I really don’t want to make myself out to seem like this lazy, unmotivated person – because in reality, I’m not. I have a strong work ethic, a drive and determination to move forward with my life, a hunger to learn and have a happy family life.

So…in essence my mind is already trained to some extent, I just have bratty brain moments.

Sometimes, it is just hard to see the forest for the trees when I am in the thick of it and simply want to take a break from the world for a moment.

“Let us train our minds to desire what the situation demands.”

So, bratty brain…you’ve had your hissy fit for the night and it’s time to head to bed!

Live, Laugh, Love ~

Vanilla Mama

PS – I NEED to train my brain to buy lottery tickets, I think the situation demands it (but, I guess it doesn’t count as being frugal – sigh!)!

18, 45, 51, 8, 21, 43

Blocking Fortune

“A closed mind is like a closed book; just like a block of wood.”

For quite some time, I have felt a little closed, a little stagnant. Neither moving forward nor moving behind (of course just the act of standing still puts you behind – life moves forward all around you). My life, my mind felt closed. I had stopped writing, I had been doing the same job for many years, I was wrapped up in the day to day. Until…my husband got notice he was being laid off.

That is a shell shocker for anyone to hear, a deadline when you will no longer have a job. Not having benefits with three kiddos and a host of health issues, not having an income with three kiddos…all very scary. That’s when I took a second job. Got out of the house (I worked from home until then), met new people…my mind started to open. Then I did not like some of what I saw and found a different second job, LOVED the people there, loved the experience – I grew some more.

During this time, my home life suffered – my nights and weekends were never mine. Such is the nature of a retail job. Even though I undertook writing this blog, everything creatively fell behind.  My husband’s job got extended and we felt safe. A year passed.

We got the notice that he is being laid off for sure, there is no stopping it, it is going to happen.

A friend talked to me about classes at a local college and I looked into it. Medical Billing and Coding – I was blessed with an incredible grant and a wonderful advisor who looked at my background of administrating a non-profit and she recommended I apply to a new position opening up in my area with the college program that I was taking the class through. I applied in February, never heard a thing. Figured they had found someone they felt was a better fit.

I took my class, passed with flying colors made some new friends – my book, my mind was certainly opened.

“A closed mind is like a closed book; just like a block of wood.”

No wooden block here!

Then out of the blue – on the day of my final exam, I got a phone call! They wanted to interview me!!

ME?! ME?!

I interviewed and later that night, they called to offer me the job! I start June 15!!

Now – the pay is not fabulous. The benefits are great! The people are wonderful! But – but, even better…

I can take any class I want, my sons can take any class they want, my husband can take any class he wants! I can finally get my degree – really open my mind, really start to grow again!

We are still waiting for the final axe for my husband’s job, but I feel like we have turned a corner. With my evenings and weekends back, our family can get back on track – this will give my husband the ability to find what he needs to move forward with his career. I am excited!

I will still be working two jobs – one at the college, the other still based at home, but it will all be on my terms!

Life, yes, Life is good!

Live, Laugh, Love~
Vanilla Mama

PS – Your lucky numbers, keep your mind open – it could happen! 14, 21, 16, 42, 32, 11

Fortune of Light

Fortune of Light - 

“You should be able to undertake and complete anything you desire.”

From my fortune cookie to God’s ears…umm, eyes. 

I have undertaken many things in my life – some I have completed, some I have not. The key word there is SHOULD.

I SHOULD be able to undertake and complete anything I desire. 

I SHOULD be able to keep up with posting on my blog, finishing my novel (that I have been working on for literally YEARS!), finishing my classes, keeping my house organized and cleaned.  I SHOULD be able to do a 2 mile walk every day, get my Yoga in, keep up with two jobs, three kids and a husband, and my shows on Food Network….I have undertaken all of this. Should, could, would…

Deep breath, everyone…Haha! 

Life gets better, I always does. (Believe me I have learned NOT to say…”It can’t get any worse!”)

I really do see the light at the end of the tunnel – could be the train…at least I have a sense of humor still. Really I do, I gotta! Without a sense of humor, the night falls to fast. 

 I see the daylight, not a daylight so bright that I need to wear shades or cause a mind splitting migraine….but a softly breaking dawn that is embracing me in warmth and love.

“You should be able to undertake and complete anything you desire.”

I have things I am looking forward to – the Next Food Network Star, losing my last 20 pounds…okay, maybe 30, the end of my classes, seeing my sons grow into men, the start of a new chapter of my life, the new Despicable Me movie coming out next year. Guess what my ring tone is….if you have gone back through and read some of my blog, you know I love Despicable Me and I love my Minions. I digress... 

And – with that, I am off to bed. It’s been a pretty long week…my littlest one had his tonsils out and we are medicating around the clock for a weird headache, my sleep is on the low end of the scale right now and unfortunately the bright daylight that won’t let me hit snooze on it will come much too soon! 

As always –

Live, Laugh, Love ~

Your Vanilla Mama

PS – Lucky numbers could help my Breaking Dawn (and NO, I don’t think much could help that movie, maybe better basting for Bella? I digress…) 2, 31, 37, 39, 40, 42.

Stumbling Fortune

“When you stumble your love will be there to catch you.”

The last few months have been some of the hardest of my life. Some days are better than other – some days I stumble. Stumble so hard that I can barely breath – my heart will literally skip a beat and I feel the world spinning.

Have you had that feeling?

Like you are there, present – fully, but not really. Almost like what is happening, or has happened really only happened to someone else.  A dream state – a nightmare world, an alternate reality that I want out of.

A stumble so hard that mentally I have skinned my knees. Scraped my elbows. Bumped my head.

“When you stumble your love will be there to catch you.”

“Your love” – all your love – from every source, from friends, from family, from God. All that love, will catch you, catch me…please, please catch me.

When I stumble my love will be there to catch me. All the love that has been bestowed upon me, it is mine. Mine to cling to when my heart is hurting, when I stumble. Mine to share with anyone else who may need it. Because –

Did you know…Did you know love grows when you share it?

I know that – I believe that.

When a man loves a woman it can grow into a child. That is a literal interpretation – to be sure. But, seriously creating a child is supposed to be one of the most expressive and intimate acts of love. (Of course Human nature being what it is – it gets perverted, but I am not going to even touch that here, right now!)

Opening up your heart to a new person – expressing your love to someone, can and does make your love grow. Your circle of people can grow and deepen – if you let it.

“When you stumble your love will be there to catch you.” – if you let it.

Every day you meet people, you don’t know what these people are going through. Did they just get a speeding ticket, did a family member just die – are they just plain stupid, are they going to be a soul mate? Someone that when you meet them, you know the rest of your life is not complete without them…It could be a parent, it could be a sibling, it could be a mom you meet during a little league game, it could be the person behind you in the grocery store line, or the man who helped edit your book…a soul mate is someone that touches your soul. If you let them.

In the last few months I have an extremely dear friend that I called my sister walked away, I lost my father – my life is in flux. I have stumbled…I have fallen, but my love, your love is there to catch me.

I let it…I have left myself open. I am here and present, even though I want to pretend the last few months never took place…

Live, laugh, love ~
Vanilla Mama

Breathing

How do you measure a loss?

What constitutes a loss?

We are constantly watching Wall Street and the gas pumps, every nickel, every penny….tracking loss.

Losing your phone, losing your keys, losing your dog….

I have lost all of those.

And most anyone who is reading this will acknowledge that none of these, NONE of these prepare you for the loss of a person. A live, human, breathing, loving person.  A person that you love.

How do you measure that loss? How do you get past it? There is no financial advisor, no hidden extra keys, no micro chip embedded in a lost pet, no cell phone insurance – they are gone.

A co-worker, a friend, a family member…an aunt, an uncle, a grandparent, a parent, a sister, a brother,  a spouse, a child…how, do you measure that loss. How do you move on?

Day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second – breath by breath!

Please keep my family in your prayers. We have lost so much…we have lost my father to pancreatic cancer. My grandfather’s son, my mother’s husband of 40 years  (almost 41 years), a sibling to my aunts, an uncle to my cousins, a friend to many more than I could name….he has gone home.

He was welcomed home by many loved ones, friends, cousins, aunts, uncles, a mother and a grandbaby.

Day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second – breath by breath.

Fortune Cookies, Bible Verses, and Prayers…many, many prayers!

Most important - Prayers!

Fatherly Fortune

My Dad taking care of Little Me!

I have not posted much as late, and will be checking in from time to time. But, life as usual has thrown myself and my family a tremendous curveball that I need to be fully present for.

My precious father, my Dad, my Daddy – has been in and out of the hospital since Thanksgiving of last year and recently they finally were able to tell us what he was suffering from. This strong, capable, loving man is suffering from pancreatic cancer. It is advanced and it is incurable.

 

All the fortunes in the world, all the little slips of papers that are stuffed in little bites of cookies – do not prepare anyone for this.

Please keep my family in your prayers. Please keep my Father in your prayers, please keep my Mother in your prayers. These two incredible people who have made my life possible, who daily show me an example of love and selflessness, who are facing one of the most difficult things a married couple can face together…with dignity and grace.

Even when I am not there with them, my heart is. I want to wrap my Daddy up in love and protect him from pain and from fear. I want to lift my Mom’s heart up and protect it from the hurt and anxiety. I want to shield my brother, my nieces, my children – I cannot, no one can.

There is one verse, one Bible verse that I look to – Romans 8:28. There is a reason – there is a reason for all this pain, and I pray that God will make it apparent at some point.

 

The outpouring of love and support from friends and family for my Dad has been such a blessing – and I encourage anyone who reads this to reach out today and let someone know that you care. Reach out today…

 
With love, blessings and best wishes~
Vanilla Mama

Strange Fortune

“An hour with one friend is worth more than ten with strangers.”

Lately I have not had enough time with my friends. Spending a lot of time with strangers – nature of retail, but not enough with friends. We will message back and forth about getting together for a girl’s night, but it hasn’t happened recently.

These ladies, these amazing friends that I treasure – I miss them. We connected through our kids at various points in our lives and blessedly, even though our kiddos have grown (mostly) we have been able to maintain the connection. Even if we don’t talk or see each other on a regular basis, we click when we are together.

I am blessed to know these women and men. (Yes, I am one of those people who believe you can be friend with a man without ending up sleeping with him.) God puts these people in your life for a reason. We may never know why we connect with the cashier at Albertson’s or the Mom at your son’s first basketball practice – who ends up being like the sister you never had.

There are people that enter your life everyday – you might meet them through your kids, through work, standing in the line at the grocery store. Maybe they are one of the strangers that you end up spending ten hours with. What matters is that you are open to letting them in.

I write this with a heavy heart, I miss my friends. Desperately, truly miss my friends. There is one incredible woman I miss and think about constantly – she is in my prayers, my thoughts and my heart. If there was anything she asked for, I would be there.

I am actually going to make this a fairly short post, because I am going to look and my calendar and see when I can get a girl’s night planned.  I think we all need to reconnect – couple of margaritas, some sangria and maybe a box…umm..bottle of wine!

“An hour with one friend is worth more than ten with strangers.”

Here’s hoping that I get ten hours with my friends!

With friendly vibes –

Vanilla Mama

PS- your lucky numbers…11, 13, 19, 21, 25, 28. If you win – take your best friend out!

Intelligent Fortune

“You Will Attain the Highest Levels of Intelligence.”

Since I am considering going back to school and taking some classes to try to put myself in a better position for a lifelong career, that would be good news.

Looking back on my life truly I do not have many regrets…everything I have done, everything I have been through has made me who I am today. Today, I think I am an okay person.  I make mistakes, I’m not perfect – but I am pretty happy with who I am. There are certainly areas of my life that bear improving – but show me a person that is not a work in progress and I will show you a person that is likely six feet under.

The one true regret that I have, not finishing my college education. At the time it was the right decision for my health, and I kept telling myself I would go back. Then I got pregnant and the family years began. There just never seemed to be enough time with raising kiddos, then going through a divorce, being a single parent, getting remarried, having another baby, working two jobs…well. Somehow it just never has seemed the right time.

Here’s the bottom line – I ain’t getting younger. The clocks a ticking, I’m pushing 40. Yes, ladies and gentleman Vanilla Mama is going to hit 40 this year. I have the college freshman and the grey hair to prove it.

“You Will Attain the Highest Levels of Intelligence.”

My advice to my kids, to friends of my kids, to random teenagers I meet – Finish school, go to college, get a degree! The job market is so competitive out there, you need that piece of paper. I am a prime example, I have plenty of experience, but without that slip of parchment showing I stuck it out for four years and got my degree – I am looked over. Many careers/job opportunities do not even want you to apply without a degree.

I have learned the hard way, I am not good at online classes and self study. Tried that – once I set down at the computer to do the classes I get distracted by the millions of other tasks I have waiting or the phone rings. It’s kind of the same thing with exercising at home – we’ve all been there! How many of us have a treadmill that has become a catch all for hanging laundry (please chime in and tell me I am not alone!), a stationary bike that doesn’t move at all, or a yoga mat that serves as a rug? I need the structure of a classroom environment.

“You Will Attain the Highest Levels of Intelligence.”

It’s way past time for this Vanilla Mama to figure out what she wants to be when she grows up! My ultimate dream – I would love to write full time. My reality at this point…I work two jobs, have three kids and barely find time to post a blog (yes, I checked it has been exactly ONE MONTH since my last post!). My wonderful hubby asked, “you are stressed to the max already, doing two jobs, keeping us all on track, how on earth are you going to take classes and go back to school?” My answer was, “I know that at the end it will be worth it. I will be reaching a goal and helping our family!”

I do believe the sacrifice will be worth it – I need to strive to attain the highest levels of intelligence and further myself, my eventual career and set an example for my kiddos.

On a completely unrelated topic – I CUT my hair this week! I don’t mean a little – I am talking Jamie Lee Curtis short. I had her cut off EVERYTHING that was dyed, since I have decided as my New Year’s Resolution…of which I only have one…I am not going to color my hair. I was worried that I would end up looking like a man, but I have been told it is very feminine and flattering.  Not quite ready to share a picture, if you know me on Facebook, you can find me there.

So…anyway, I promise not to be a month between posts next time. I may even try to get on a regular schedule…who knows posting regularly may get my on a path to higher intelligence!

Live, Laugh, Love ~

Vanilla Mama

PS – There are no lucky numbers on Panda Express’ fortune cookies – the turkey butts! Thanks Camille for sharing your fortune with me. BTW – Miss you!

Hard Fortune

Please, can I have for Christmas?

Advancement will come with hard work.

Promise? Really, can you promise me that? Cause, I have been working 60, 70 hours…sometimes more…and I seem to be spinning my wheels. 

It seems like the harder I work, the more I do, the further behind I fall. How is that possible?

I have two jobs right now – one I really enjoy and the other, I have been doing so long…I don’t know what else to do. The stress of both jobs together seem to be part of the fiber of my being, as does the constant clutter on the flat surfaces of my home. I really am an organized person trapped inside a hamster wheel of never ending tasks. 

The loves of my life…my family, my friends, my home, my writing – that is where I fall behind. The time that I spend with my family is precious. The time I spend with my friends I cherish. The hours I spend in my home – I crave! The moments I get to write, I long for. (Let’s not even mention crocheting, reading and taking some classes.)

I have friends that I consider family, God has blessed me with them. I have no blood sisters, but I have women in my life that I am honored to call my sisters. (We need a GIRL’S NIGHT!) When their hearts hurt, I hurt; when they have joy, I am happy. All of us are so busy with “hard work” and we struggle to find the time to dedicate to this amazing gift we have been given! 

I miss my family with a passion so great it hurts. I want to be there for my grandpa, or at least be able to call him on a regular basis! This amazing man that has survived so much – I look up to him and I am so proud of him! My aunts, uncles, cousins – too much time has passed since I have been able to be with you. My parents, my brother and his family – we used to have dinner almost every weekend. Recently we had a family game night with my brother and his family and I was struck by how much I MISS them! My Mom and Dad, they are a source of strength and inspiration to me. I appreciate their support and love and I hope they know how much I treasure them. (Lord knows, I have been remiss in telling and showing them!)

My husband – I consider us still newlyweds. We’ve been married 5 years and heaven only knows why this precious man puts up with me! He has a wonderful sense of humor, loyal heart and incredible mind, I am so blessed that he loves me! He is my rock and without him, without his love and support I would be lost. 

My own kiddos, I am sorry I cannot even begin to describe how much I miss spending time with them. My oldest, in college – I miss him, he is not terribly far, but it feels like a lifetime away. His caring heart, warm personality and infectious smile…I would prefer to have on a daily basis. My middle son, in high school – what a strong, funny and incredible young man. He is intuitive, random and makes me laugh and think all at the same time. His future is so bright! My little guy – what a trip every day. I have been raising these two older boys, ran a home daycare for 10 years and I have never run across a little boy like him. I can’t wait (oh, wait – YES I can) to see the man he will become. Each of my kiddos, each of their beating hearts and working minds are such a blessing to me and I would/will move heaven and earth to experience each moment I can with them. 

I have truly digressed – 

Advancement will come with hard work. 

I am not afraid of hard work. What I am afraid of is losing precious moments with the people I love. 

Advancement is something I need to be able to support my family, to be able to help them realize their dreams. I will work hard to make sure that I am able to lift them up in any way I can.

To all my online friends that read and follow me…thank you for your patience with me. I know that I am not very consistent with my posts. I do follow back and I do read as much as I can. Thank you! 

Plugging Away here ~

Vanilla Mama

BTW – Seriously, I NEED to start playing some of these numbers…maybe my hard work would be a thing of the past. 24, 33, 37, 41, 42, 44.