Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Healing Fortune

“Time heals all wounds. Keep your chin up.”

I have heard so many variations of this through the years. We all have. It is what everyone says when something goes wrong. Through my years on this earth, I have lost grandparents, a marriage and a child. Yes, time helps…it can help. It can turn the open wound into a scab…it can turn the scab into a scar. Time.

Time can truly heal many wounds. It can heal a broken heart, if you let it. It can take your sorrow, pain and devastation and morph it into a new life with promise and hope, if you let it.  

If you let it.

I am not going to even pretend that I don’t think about my losses. They have made me who I am today, they have molded me. I know not to take a single moment for granted – but there are days when I feel totally overwhelmed. 

Days when I open my heart and look at the scars. Days when I look for the dried crusty edges of the scabs and pick at them. Days when I blame myself for the losses. There are those Days.

I would be lying if I denied it. 

“Time heals all wounds. Keep your chin up.”

These are the major wounds of my heart and I try to let time heal them. God brought me to them…He will bring me through them. Even if takes my entire life – time will heal me. 

There are other wounds, wounds that I have inflicted on myself. As if there is not enough pain in everyday life, as if I have not lost enough…I lash out at myself, inflicting wounds.  Small wounds, that over the course of time, because they are so constant and self inflicted, fail to ever scab over and heal right. 

Blaming myself for the loss of my child, my marriage – those are major self inflicted wounds on top of the actual loss. 

But, what about the little everyday things we say to ourselves? I’m not good enough. I’m not pretty enough. I’m not smart enough. I screw up everything I touch.  What kind of effect does this have on us?

It has us running to the pharmacy to fill our anti-depressants!! It has us drinking glass after glass of wine! It has us trying to numb ourselves…because time, precious time, has a very hard time healing wounds that we inflict on ourselves every day. It chips away at our soul. It sets us up for many more heart breaks, because…We let it.

“Time heals all wounds. Keep your chin up.”

How do we, you and I, get through this? How do we heal our hearts? We have to allow the healing. We have to forgive ourselves.

It is a step by step process…everyday.

Everyday, there is the choice to accept the hardship and losses that we face and allow it to become part of our backbone. Everyday…and I do mean everyday…we must forgive ourselves and stop beating ourselves up for our imagined or real shortcomings. 

Our children, our spouses, our family and our friends (yes, even our employers) deserve us at our best.  Self flagellation has no part in our everyday life. 

Time, God, Love…will heal our hearts. If we allow it. 

What happens if we do not allow it? 

Live, Laugh, Love ~
Vanilla Mama

PS – I know this is a serious post, and I have struggled with it. For those of you who know me, you know many of the inner demons that I have struggled with and continue to struggle with.  I will never make light of someone’s loss or pain. My daughter died before she was born. She was stillborn at 27 weeks. It was not just the death of a child, but the death of a dream. There are times when I blame myself for her death – even now, 17 years later. I know that when my life is done and I can finally see the face of God, I will be able to embrace her and know the plan. If you have experienced a loss, or if you are inflicting your own wounds – I am here. And you are so much MORE – You are MORE!

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Richest Fortune

“The secret of vast riches begins with a single penny.”

Seems slightly overstated, but then again aren’t all classic Fortune Cookie Fortunes? 
I have a secret inner coupon diva that is dying to climb out and start getting groceries for free, but for the life of me I can’t seem to wrap my head around it. Have you seen this new show, “Extreme Couponing”? I have 5 episodes on my DVR just waiting for me to watch…why haven’t I? I want to take NOTES!!! Not only that, but after I watch it I know that I will never really want to grocery shop again until I undertake the couponing…and honestly, my family would GO HUNGRY!

How on earth can a reasonable human being save money? One penny at a time?

“The secret of vast riches begins with a single penny.”

Saving money is a difficult thing for me, typically I am pressed for time and don’t have time to organize a huge binder full of coupons that are cross-indexed by brand and stores. Realistically how can I save money – I have a loyalty card at the stores I shop at, I use coupons from the Sunday paper only for the items our family uses, if we go out to eat it is a place I have a coupon for. Am I the thriftiest person ever? Of course not, I waste a lot of money on things I don’t really need, or end up not using because I got it for a great price! 

Example, in my closet I have 10, yes 10 photo boxes that I bought for $1 each. GREAT DEAL – they were on SALE!! Guess what, they are in MY CLOSET STILL wrapped in PLASTIC NEVER USED! Great deal on sale, NEVER used, in my closet taking up space that I could use for other things! Another example…I found extremely CUTE shadow boxes on SALE 75% off, where are these shadow boxes now? In yet another closet still with their tags on, never used. I think I need to dust off my Ebay account and get busy!

“The secret of vast riches begins with a single penny.”

The best way that I have learned to save money is to resist the impulse to buy things on sale.  Especially things that are project related…photo boxes, shadow boxes, fabric for covering a table, YARN to crochet with that is, in yes, another CLOSET! 

It is a truth that I have learned about myself and I try to embrace…if I undertake the Extreme Couponing show and take notes, I will share with you the details, but you are probably way ahead of me and can share your tips with me! 

If you have a dirty little secret where you waste money and feel guilty, share it here. Let’s get it out and own it, then we can take control of it. Are you a Starbucks fiend (my hand raises), do you buy things in bulk that end up not being used, do you have a collection that you love and spend money on it? Where does your money go? My confession here is light hearted and a little silly, but it is nonetheless true – I have to be honest with myself and where my money really goes before I can take it buy the horns and wrestle it.  Start saving those pennies to build up vast riches!

Thanks for letting me guest post on your wonderful blog, I hope you enjoyed! (Yes, wow, I was asked to guest post at Makobi Scribe - check it out here!)
Live, Laugh, Love~
Vanilla Mama

Ooops…almost left off the lucky numbers, because wouldn’t it be sweetness to win the lottery and not have to worry about money anymore?
19, 23, 27, 29, 35, 38

(One disclaimer I will make, I do not play the lottery on a regular basis, in fact probably only once a year, I do happen to really believe that it is a waste of my money – but if you play and you win from these numbers, please remember your Vanilla Mama!)