Monday, April 23, 2012

Stumbling Fortune

“When you stumble your love will be there to catch you.”

The last few months have been some of the hardest of my life. Some days are better than other – some days I stumble. Stumble so hard that I can barely breath – my heart will literally skip a beat and I feel the world spinning.
Have you had that feeling?

Like you are there, present – fully, but not really. Almost like what is happening, or has happened really only happened to someone else.  A dream state – a nightmare world, an alternate reality that I want out of.

A stumble so hard that mentally I have skinned my knees. Scraped my elbows. Bumped my head.
“When you stumble your love will be there to catch you.”

“Your love” – all your love – from every source, from friends, from family, from God. All that love, will catch you, catch me…please, please catch me.
When I stumble my love will be there to catch me. All the love that has been bestowed upon me, it is mine. Mine to cling to when my heart is hurting, when I stumble. Mine to share with anyone else who may need it. Because –

Did you know…Did you know love grows when you share it?
I know that – I believe that.

When a man loves a woman it can grow into a child. That is a literal interpretation – to be sure. But, seriously creating a child is supposed to be one of the most expressive and intimate acts of love. (Of course Human nature being what it is – it gets perverted, but I am not going to even touch that here, right now!)

Opening up your heart to a new person – expressing your love to someone, can and does make your love grow. Your circle of people can grow and deepen – if you let it.
“When you stumble your love will be there to catch you.” – if you let it.

Every day you meet people, you don’t know what these people are going through. Did they just get a speeding ticket, did a family member just die – are they just plain stupid, are they going to be a soul mate? Someone that when you meet them, you know the rest of your life is not complete without them…It could be a parent, it could be a sibling, it could be a mom you meet during a little league game, it could be the person behind you in the grocery store line, or the man who helped edit your book…a soul mate is someone that touches your soul. If you let them.

In the last few months I have an extremely dear friend that I called my sister walked away, I lost my father – my life is in flux. I have stumbled…I have fallen, but my love, your love is there to catch me.
I let it…I have left myself open. I am here and present, even though I want to pretend the last few months never took place…

Live, laugh, love ~
Vanilla Mama

1 comment:

  1. This year asthma attacks have been getting in my way more than ever. I have not been able to read blogs like I used to. I am so much behind in writing as well.
    I can understand if you want to block off those couple of months. I do too, the month of November 1981( when I lost my Dad) and the month of August 2001 (when I lost my Mom). I could not even attend my Dad's funeral as they rush them in India. I got there one day too late.
    I am here, if you need to talk. Holler if you have to, scream and vent. You need to do that. You do not have to draw things within you. Grieving process is very lengthy. Meanwhile you do need to get check ups. An other blogger friend has lost her grandfather, an aunt and an uncle to ca of pancreas. We need to stay on top of things and understand this cancer so we are alert of the symptoms even for our own kids and ourselves. Stay fit, stay healthy. Grieving will never be easy, but I am sure your dad would always want to tak care of yourself.


And your thoughts???