This year has been the worst year in my memory, as a family we have lost so much. My father, my brother, my friend (not a death, but now she is somebody that I used to know)…our hopes, our dreams. Changed, rearranged…the normal changed to a bizarre and surreal abnormal. Life altered and hopes destroyed. How, how do we move on?
I am right now in an intermission…I want the pause. I want, I need a break from reality. My breath is held. Waiting for peace. Begging for peace. Desiring nothing more than to wake up from this cruel dream.
A mission, how can my life be a mission? How can I pick myself up and stop this…stop this madness, stop this intermission? I do not know.
Even now, when I see a picture of my father or my brother, my breath catches in my chest and I am immobilized with grief. A sudden memory of them will freeze me. Knowing that there is such a vast hole, a deep black hole where they used to be crushes me.
Every day is step by step. Each moment is breath by breath.
I know that prayers and Christ lift me up, and my unceasing prayer is that this loving God that I cannot claim to understand – show me what my mission is. In all honesty, I cannot see it…cannot feel it…cannot begin to understand.
“Let your life be a mission, not an intermission!”
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28. I am working toward this, I believe it. Sweet Lord in Heaven above – take my life, and lead me.
Live, laugh, love ~ like there is no tomorrow -
PS…I am sure there are lucky numbers on the back of this fortune, the mission I charge you with is to make sure you tell the ones that you love…that you LOVE them. All our days are numbered and we do not know how many we have.