This year has been the worst year in my memory, as a family
we have lost so much. My father, my brother, my friend (not a death, but now
she is somebody that I used to know)…our hopes, our dreams. Changed, rearranged…the
normal changed to a bizarre and surreal abnormal. Life altered and hopes
destroyed. How, how do we move on?
I am right now in an intermission…I want the pause. I want,
I need a break from reality. My breath is held. Waiting for peace. Begging for
peace. Desiring nothing more than to wake up from this cruel dream.
A mission, how can my life be a mission? How can I pick
myself up and stop this…stop this madness, stop this intermission? I do not
know.
Even now, when I see a picture of my father or my brother,
my breath catches in my chest and I am immobilized with grief. A sudden memory
of them will freeze me. Knowing that there is such a vast hole, a deep black
hole where they used to be crushes me.
Every day is step by step. Each moment is breath by breath.
I know that prayers and Christ lift me up, and my unceasing prayer
is that this loving God that I cannot claim to understand – show me what my
mission is. In all honesty, I cannot see it…cannot feel it…cannot begin to
understand.
“Let your life be a mission, not an intermission!”
"And we know that in all things God works
for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his
purpose." Romans 8:28. I am working toward this, I believe it. Sweet Lord
in Heaven above – take my life, and lead me.
Live, laugh, love ~ like there is no
tomorrow -
Vanilla Mama
PS…I am sure there are lucky numbers on the
back of this fortune, the mission I charge you with is to make sure you tell
the ones that you love…that you LOVE them. All our days are numbered and we do
not know how many we have.
