As 2012 is finally ending and 2013 is about to come on the stroke of midnight, I have spent some time reflecting.
In all honesty, this has been one of the worst years of my
life. There have been so many losses and changes (not all bad) that my heart
and mind are having a hard time keeping up.
When I am lying in bed at night (or in the wee hours of the
morning) I can either pretend that none of it ever happened, or I relive each
moment of it. Last night, I dreamed that my brother was still here…that as part
of a medical experiment they were able to bring him back. They had not told us
he was still alive until they knew for sure that he was going to make it. In my
dream, I went to answer the door and through the peep hole, I saw him. The joy
was overwhelming…simply and utterly overwhelming. Then I woke up. I woke up and wanted only to fall back asleep
into that dream, but reality has a twisted way of creeping back in.
I have lost a best friend, my father, my brother, a business
that I loved went under, a ministry I have worked with for almost 10 years is
undergoing many changes (and I am NOT part of them), I got a new job…I got
another new job with in the same college. I work with amazing people all around;
have a supportive husband, an incredible mother and three kiddos that mean the
world to me, a strong sister-in-law and two beautiful talented nieces.
The blessings are there to be counted. I am trying to focus
on the positive, on the happy.
It is just so hard sometimes to lift myself up and put on
the rose colored glasses.
This coming year I am sure will bring more changes, but I
pray with all my heart no more losses.
I am working on
finally getting my degree and at 40 years old…I think I have a direction for my
life. (About time, right?!) My oldest son is thriving at college, enjoying
playing college ball and continues to touch people with his heart, my middle
son blows me away with his personality, brain and sense of humor and my
youngest, I am just watching to see where his smarts will take him.
May your New Year be filled with joy, all your fortune
cookies be silly and your hearts be lifted.
Thanks for reading and hopefully growing with me. I can’t
promise to be more regular…but I can promise to…
Live, Laugh, Love!
Vanilla Mama
