Live it, Laugh at it, Love it! 2013 - Go Gentle!!

There is no fortune cookie to ring in this New Year…

As 2012 is finally ending and 2013 is about to come on the stroke of midnight, I have spent some time reflecting.

In all honesty, this has been one of the worst years of my life. There have been so many losses and changes (not all bad) that my heart and mind are having a hard time keeping up.

When I am lying in bed at night (or in the wee hours of the morning) I can either pretend that none of it ever happened, or I relive each moment of it. Last night, I dreamed that my brother was still here…that as part of a medical experiment they were able to bring him back. They had not told us he was still alive until they knew for sure that he was going to make it. In my dream, I went to answer the door and through the peep hole, I saw him. The joy was overwhelming…simply and utterly overwhelming. Then I woke up.  I woke up and wanted only to fall back asleep into that dream, but reality has a twisted way of creeping back in.

I have lost a best friend, my father, my brother, a business that I loved went under, a ministry I have worked with for almost 10 years is undergoing many changes (and I am NOT part of them), I got a new job…I got another new job with in the same college. I work with amazing people all around; have a supportive husband, an incredible mother and three kiddos that mean the world to me, a strong sister-in-law and two beautiful talented nieces.

The blessings are there to be counted. I am trying to focus on the positive, on the happy.

It is just so hard sometimes to lift myself up and put on the rose colored glasses.

This coming year I am sure will bring more changes, but I pray with all my heart no more losses.

I am working on finally getting my degree and at 40 years old…I think I have a direction for my life. (About time, right?!) My oldest son is thriving at college, enjoying playing college ball and continues to touch people with his heart, my middle son blows me away with his personality, brain and sense of humor and my youngest, I am just watching to see where his smarts will take him.  

May your New Year be filled with joy, all your fortune cookies be silly and your hearts be lifted.

Thanks for reading and hopefully growing with me. I can’t promise to be more regular…but I can promise to…

Live, Laugh, Love!

Vanilla Mama

Training Fortune

“Let us train our minds to desire what the situation demands.”

Can I have Alice, PLEASE?!

I have certainly begun a new chapter in my life…I have taken a greatly reduced role in the ministry work I have worked in for the last 9 years, I am working a full time job at a community college, and now I am also a very part time student with a husband who travels 50% of the time and despite all his hard work, layoffs are coming down the pike.

What I want…I want to be independently wealthy without a care in the world. I want to sleep until noon, have a housekeeper named Alice who will take care of me and my family, I want to already have my Master’s degree instead of working on my Associate’s! I want to wake up tomorrow and be completely fit and be able to eat whatever on this planet I crave!

However, that is not my reality.

My situation demands something completely different than what my mind wants.

What does my situation demand? It demands frugal living, time management, dietary discretion, organization and a drive to succeed.

These are not wants…these are not idle “I wish” things – these are demands that I must fulfill. But, my mind falls back into its whiny brat mode and stomps its feet to have its way. Pitches a little hissy fit – Jeesh, my mind can be such a PAIN!

If I let my bratty brain have its own way….I shudder to think!

“Let us train our minds to desire what the situation demands.”

How on earth do I go about this? Buy (NO – borrow from the library) a self-help book? Search internet blogs with tips and suggestions? Rejoin FlyLady (that is actually a REALLY good idea!) and take baby-steps to getting my brain trained?

I know that with each baby-step I take towards training my bratty brain, my heart will desire the results and that will help train my mind even more.

I really don’t want to make myself out to seem like this lazy, unmotivated person – because in reality, I’m not. I have a strong work ethic, a drive and determination to move forward with my life, a hunger to learn and have a happy family life.

So…in essence my mind is already trained to some extent, I just have bratty brain moments.

Sometimes, it is just hard to see the forest for the trees when I am in the thick of it and simply want to take a break from the world for a moment.

“Let us train our minds to desire what the situation demands.”

So, bratty brain…you’ve had your hissy fit for the night and it’s time to head to bed!

Live, Laugh, Love ~

Vanilla Mama

PS – I NEED to train my brain to buy lottery tickets, I think the situation demands it (but, I guess it doesn’t count as being frugal – sigh!)!

18, 45, 51, 8, 21, 43

Blocking Fortune

“A closed mind is like a closed book; just like a block of wood.”

For quite some time, I have felt a little closed, a little stagnant. Neither moving forward nor moving behind (of course just the act of standing still puts you behind – life moves forward all around you). My life, my mind felt closed. I had stopped writing, I had been doing the same job for many years, I was wrapped up in the day to day. Until…my husband got notice he was being laid off.

That is a shell shocker for anyone to hear, a deadline when you will no longer have a job. Not having benefits with three kiddos and a host of health issues, not having an income with three kiddos…all very scary. That’s when I took a second job. Got out of the house (I worked from home until then), met new people…my mind started to open. Then I did not like some of what I saw and found a different second job, LOVED the people there, loved the experience – I grew some more.

During this time, my home life suffered – my nights and weekends were never mine. Such is the nature of a retail job. Even though I undertook writing this blog, everything creatively fell behind.  My husband’s job got extended and we felt safe. A year passed.

We got the notice that he is being laid off for sure, there is no stopping it, it is going to happen.

A friend talked to me about classes at a local college and I looked into it. Medical Billing and Coding – I was blessed with an incredible grant and a wonderful advisor who looked at my background of administrating a non-profit and she recommended I apply to a new position opening up in my area with the college program that I was taking the class through. I applied in February, never heard a thing. Figured they had found someone they felt was a better fit.

I took my class, passed with flying colors made some new friends – my book, my mind was certainly opened.

“A closed mind is like a closed book; just like a block of wood.”

No wooden block here!

Then out of the blue – on the day of my final exam, I got a phone call! They wanted to interview me!!

ME?! ME?!

I interviewed and later that night, they called to offer me the job! I start June 15!!

Now – the pay is not fabulous. The benefits are great! The people are wonderful! But – but, even better…

I can take any class I want, my sons can take any class they want, my husband can take any class he wants! I can finally get my degree – really open my mind, really start to grow again!

We are still waiting for the final axe for my husband’s job, but I feel like we have turned a corner. With my evenings and weekends back, our family can get back on track – this will give my husband the ability to find what he needs to move forward with his career. I am excited!

I will still be working two jobs – one at the college, the other still based at home, but it will all be on my terms!

Life, yes, Life is good!

Live, Laugh, Love~
Vanilla Mama

PS – Your lucky numbers, keep your mind open – it could happen! 14, 21, 16, 42, 32, 11