Breathing

How do you measure a loss?

What constitutes a loss?

We are constantly watching Wall Street and the gas pumps, every nickel, every penny….tracking loss.

Losing your phone, losing your keys, losing your dog….

I have lost all of those.

And most anyone who is reading this will acknowledge that none of these, NONE of these prepare you for the loss of a person. A live, human, breathing, loving person.  A person that you love.

How do you measure that loss? How do you get past it? There is no financial advisor, no hidden extra keys, no micro chip embedded in a lost pet, no cell phone insurance – they are gone.

A co-worker, a friend, a family member…an aunt, an uncle, a grandparent, a parent, a sister, a brother,  a spouse, a child…how, do you measure that loss. How do you move on?

Day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second – breath by breath!

Please keep my family in your prayers. We have lost so much…we have lost my father to pancreatic cancer. My grandfather’s son, my mother’s husband of 40 years  (almost 41 years), a sibling to my aunts, an uncle to my cousins, a friend to many more than I could name….he has gone home.

He was welcomed home by many loved ones, friends, cousins, aunts, uncles, a mother and a grandbaby.

Day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second – breath by breath.

Fortune Cookies, Bible Verses, and Prayers…many, many prayers!

Most important - Prayers!

Strange Fortune

“An hour with one friend is worth more than ten with strangers.”

Lately I have not had enough time with my friends. Spending a lot of time with strangers – nature of retail, but not enough with friends. We will message back and forth about getting together for a girl’s night, but it hasn’t happened recently.

These ladies, these amazing friends that I treasure – I miss them. We connected through our kids at various points in our lives and blessedly, even though our kiddos have grown (mostly) we have been able to maintain the connection. Even if we don’t talk or see each other on a regular basis, we click when we are together.

I am blessed to know these women and men. (Yes, I am one of those people who believe you can be friend with a man without ending up sleeping with him.) God puts these people in your life for a reason. We may never know why we connect with the cashier at Albertson’s or the Mom at your son’s first basketball practice – who ends up being like the sister you never had.

There are people that enter your life everyday – you might meet them through your kids, through work, standing in the line at the grocery store. Maybe they are one of the strangers that you end up spending ten hours with. What matters is that you are open to letting them in.

I write this with a heavy heart, I miss my friends. Desperately, truly miss my friends. There is one incredible woman I miss and think about constantly – she is in my prayers, my thoughts and my heart. If there was anything she asked for, I would be there.

I am actually going to make this a fairly short post, because I am going to look and my calendar and see when I can get a girl’s night planned.  I think we all need to reconnect – couple of margaritas, some sangria and maybe a box…umm..bottle of wine!

“An hour with one friend is worth more than ten with strangers.”

Here’s hoping that I get ten hours with my friends!

With friendly vibes –

Vanilla Mama

PS- your lucky numbers…11, 13, 19, 21, 25, 28. If you win – take your best friend out!

Hard Fortune

Please, can I have for Christmas?

Advancement will come with hard work.

Promise? Really, can you promise me that? Cause, I have been working 60, 70 hours…sometimes more…and I seem to be spinning my wheels. 

It seems like the harder I work, the more I do, the further behind I fall. How is that possible?

I have two jobs right now – one I really enjoy and the other, I have been doing so long…I don’t know what else to do. The stress of both jobs together seem to be part of the fiber of my being, as does the constant clutter on the flat surfaces of my home. I really am an organized person trapped inside a hamster wheel of never ending tasks. 

The loves of my life…my family, my friends, my home, my writing – that is where I fall behind. The time that I spend with my family is precious. The time I spend with my friends I cherish. The hours I spend in my home – I crave! The moments I get to write, I long for. (Let’s not even mention crocheting, reading and taking some classes.)

I have friends that I consider family, God has blessed me with them. I have no blood sisters, but I have women in my life that I am honored to call my sisters. (We need a GIRL’S NIGHT!) When their hearts hurt, I hurt; when they have joy, I am happy. All of us are so busy with “hard work” and we struggle to find the time to dedicate to this amazing gift we have been given! 

I miss my family with a passion so great it hurts. I want to be there for my grandpa, or at least be able to call him on a regular basis! This amazing man that has survived so much – I look up to him and I am so proud of him! My aunts, uncles, cousins – too much time has passed since I have been able to be with you. My parents, my brother and his family – we used to have dinner almost every weekend. Recently we had a family game night with my brother and his family and I was struck by how much I MISS them! My Mom and Dad, they are a source of strength and inspiration to me. I appreciate their support and love and I hope they know how much I treasure them. (Lord knows, I have been remiss in telling and showing them!)

My husband – I consider us still newlyweds. We’ve been married 5 years and heaven only knows why this precious man puts up with me! He has a wonderful sense of humor, loyal heart and incredible mind, I am so blessed that he loves me! He is my rock and without him, without his love and support I would be lost. 

My own kiddos, I am sorry I cannot even begin to describe how much I miss spending time with them. My oldest, in college – I miss him, he is not terribly far, but it feels like a lifetime away. His caring heart, warm personality and infectious smile…I would prefer to have on a daily basis. My middle son, in high school – what a strong, funny and incredible young man. He is intuitive, random and makes me laugh and think all at the same time. His future is so bright! My little guy – what a trip every day. I have been raising these two older boys, ran a home daycare for 10 years and I have never run across a little boy like him. I can’t wait (oh, wait – YES I can) to see the man he will become. Each of my kiddos, each of their beating hearts and working minds are such a blessing to me and I would/will move heaven and earth to experience each moment I can with them. 

I have truly digressed – 

Advancement will come with hard work. 

I am not afraid of hard work. What I am afraid of is losing precious moments with the people I love. 

Advancement is something I need to be able to support my family, to be able to help them realize their dreams. I will work hard to make sure that I am able to lift them up in any way I can.

To all my online friends that read and follow me…thank you for your patience with me. I know that I am not very consistent with my posts. I do follow back and I do read as much as I can. Thank you! 

Plugging Away here ~

Vanilla Mama

BTW – Seriously, I NEED to start playing some of these numbers…maybe my hard work would be a thing of the past. 24, 33, 37, 41, 42, 44.

Surprise Fortune

“Someone’s kindness will surprise and delight you.”

The fact that I have this Fortune is actually the surprise and delight…a very lovely lady brought this to me at work. I have shared with a few people at work that I do this, this thing with the Fortune Cookies. She and her boyfriend have actually checked out my blog – and she saves me Fortune Cookies, that I put in the Happiness Cup.

I did not put this one in my Happiness Cup – I just had to gush over it. It really did Surprise and Delight me – and it does every time she brings one to me! This day when she brought it to me, I knew that I might be leaving that job. I had an interview and I was feeling pretty confident that I would be offered the job, the opportunity. And she brought me this. I have been so torn…I trust her, but could not put her in a compromising situation by telling her what was going on. I really am all about living an honest life and being who I really am – but I had to keep this from her.

“Someone’s kindness will surprise and delight you.”

I told her at that very moment – “You have surprised and delighted me!” (Really – really did, and if she comments she can confirm this!) I was nearly in tears, how sweet. She knows what I do, she’s read it, she saves these for me. Even know, as simple of a thing that it may seem…it means so much! I actually have 3 others that she has brought to me that are in the Happiness Cup that I have her name on…those are from her (protecting the innocent from Vanilla Mama’s rants!).

“Someone’s kindness will surprise and delight you.”

I posted in my last Fortune that there were big changes coming…and I can happily (and sadly) confirm that this is true. I have accepted a new opportunity from a wonderful company, but I am also leaving a company that gave me a chance and wonderful people like ‘her’ and others that just make me smile when I think of them. I can honestly say that I have made life-long friends at this job and I will sincerely miss them. I hope that they all realize this…I cannot name them by name (again – innocent people should not be subjected to my ravings!) but I will personally let them all know before I leave.

Perhaps I will be that Someone whose kindness will surprise and delight them. Perhaps I will be yours!

Live, Laugh, Love ~

Vanilla Mama

There are no lucky numbers on this Fortune (PANDA EXPRESS – what is WRONG with you!?!), so your lucky numbers are someone you should reach out and let know you care. YOU know who that person is – and when you let them know, share with us how wonderful it was!

Boost my Blog Friday - Playing Around

 

 

I promise I will be back to my regular posting on Monday - writing a guest post for another blog today! How exciting, I will let you know when it is up. 

Friendly Fortune

“A friend in the market is better than money in the purse.”

What?

“A friend in the market is better than money in the purse.”

What does this mean? Does that mean I should buy a friend with the money that was in my purse?!Am I supposed to go out to the Friend Store?

“A friend in the market is better than money in the purse.”

I seriously don’t know what to make of this one – I have come across some bizarre Fortune Cookies in my life, but….since I am trying to stay true to the whole write what I pick out of my Happiness Cup, here it goes.

What is the Happiness Cup you ask? Boy, am I glad you asked!

I got it for a $1.00 at the market – I took the money out of my purse to buy it. Who says money can’t buy Happiness? So, every time I get my Hot and Sour on at Pei Wei or New China (YUMMY!) and get my Fortune Cookies, this is where they end up. After I write about them, they go in another small cup – don’t have a picture for that one – that way I don’t get them mixed up.

Okay, I digress….“A friend in the market is better than money in the purse.”

One thing that makes me happy is buying things for other people, no reason for it, a simple surprise, a little treat. How about Starbucks coffee? Ice Cream from the cooler? Cookie from the bakery? I may just treat you with something for some random unknown reason.

Does that count as a friend in the market? For my purposes today, yes I believe that it does!

I haven’t been shopping with a friend lately, but one of my favorite memories with T****S**** is shopping together for dresses that I wore on a cruise. It was like a scene in Pretty Woman…literally I could hear Roy Orbison singing in his slightly off-key way. She bought ballroom dresses, I bought my fancy Dinner with the Captain dresses and we had such a good time. I spent more money than I meant to, my poor little purse was empty – but guess what I had a friend in the market!

Live, Laugh, Love ~

Vanilla Mama

For the chance to get more money in your purse…your lucky numbers are: 11, 18, 22, 29, 31, 41.

Life with My Dudes - Pop, Tart and Frosting

Kiddo Post for Dudes –



Old pic - Pop, blue; Tart, brown;
Wonderful Hubby, Maroon;
Vanilla Mama (80lbs ago!) purple,
 Frosting, Stroller; FAV filling - Pink!

  One of my favorite blogs put out a challenge today to write a post about living with Dudes for kiddos. Well, I have Pop, Tart and Frosting – my three Dudes! Life with these three Dudes is never boring!

From being scared into screaming like a girl (oh, wait – I am a girl!) when Pop and Tart conspire against me to scare the ever living beejeezes out of me just the other day to getting sweaty boy hugs from all three of them – there is always something going on that makes me glad to have my Dudes.

When Pop and Tart were little, they had in their little kiddo minds that Mom would like a swimming pool….their solution – DIG, DIG, DIG! And dig they did…in my backyard, by the time I figured out what was going on I had a two feet deep hole about 3 feet across. I was livid, until they told me why – then I just laughed and explained there was a little more involved to getting a swimming pool than just digging a hole. I ended up planting a tree in that hole, because no matter how much sand and dirt I put back in the hole,  it was on a slope the rain would wash it all away. To this day when I drive by my old house, I laugh when I see that tree!

There is quite an age difference between my Pop and Tart and my little Frosting – 14 years for Pop and 10 years for Tart…it has been challenging, the blending of ages. Pop is getting ready to graduate and go to college, Tart is a freshman in high school and Frosting is just 4 and thinks he should be able to do everything his older brothers do.

Pancake Mask - HAHA!
Love the BUTTER!

We have Hot Wheels, Legos, Xboxs, computers, strong deodorant, dirty clothes on the floor that are scary to pick up, pee on the seat,  potty humor galore and I can’t imagine life any other way. We have promised to burn a shirt after family portraits to get Tart to wear it and followed through with it, gone to midnight showings of Harry Potter movies, stayed up late in the night talking about girl issues and gotten up bleary eyed the next morning for donuts before school.  We have dumped an entire box of cheerios on the floor and tried to get the dogs help clean it up. We take pictures of motorcycles, drool over old cars and make pancake Halloween masks. That’s life with my Kiddos, my dudes, My Pop, Tart and Frosting – that’s life with our Filling.

Who are the Filling? All the Buddies of the Kiddos that call me Mom, too! Dude or Dudette – they are the Filling, and no life is ever complete without Filling. As with any type of Filling there are some flavors that you like better than others…but this Filling I have been able to adjust, sometimes just by how I react to it. And while there is certainly some Filling I really wish would come around more often….I know that Pop, Tart and Frosting are not the same without their Filling.

Raising Dudes for Kiddos is certainly different than raising girls, there are not hormones or arguments that their skirts are too short….they are simple in jeans and t-shirts. (Most of the time!) Now, I will say, Dudes have HORMONES…different hormones, but hormones nonetheless –but usually I can tell them to go run it off or work out and we are good again. Sweaty testosterone can be scary, stinky and overwhelming, but I love every scary, stinky and overwhelming minutes with my Dudes.

One thing this little challenge has made me realize, is I don’t have very many good pictures of me and the Pop, Tart and Frosting together and I am going to have to fix that SOON!!!  When I do – I’ll have to share! The picture I am posting is from 2009 and it has Pop, Tart, Frosting, Vanilla Mama (A LOT HEAVIER THAN SHE IS NOW – 80lbs heavier!), my wonderful hubby and one of my favorite Fillings!

Live, Laugh, Love~

Vanilla Mama

A to Z Challenge - X

A to Z Challenge – X

X, boy that is a tough one…seriously, what starts with x? There are really quite a few, but unfortunately most are food additives! Since I try to steer away from those anyway (ummm…yeah, I don’t really read labels that careful, but I do watch for sodium, most of the time).

So, I decided to cheat a little and go for X-tra! (I know, I know…please don’t roll your eyes so hard that you give yourself a headache!)

X-tra…I have quite a bit x-tra in my life. (And, yes I will continue to spell it that way – just to justify it!) I watch x-tra tv I shouldn’t, I eat x-tra food I shouldn’t, and despite reading the lables too much x-tra sodium! I work x-tra hours, put x-tra effort into my jobs, spend x-tra money I don’t have, and incur x-tra fees!

There is really quite a bit in life that I could call x-tra. And, maybe that is why I never seem to have x-tra time for the things that really light my fire. This little blog has been a way to keep those embers burning – it is fun, it makes my brain click a little – it is x-tra, but it is an x-tra that I need!

On the other hand, I don’t need x-tra sodium, x-tra tv, x-tra food – short term gain, long term loss. Sodium kicks up my blood pressures and makes my ankles look like elephant stubs, tv literally rots my brain, food makes me just plain fat. All of which takes away time from what really matters…my family, my friends, my writing.

Why do I do them? Compulsion, obsession, laziness?! Not sure…maybe all three put together.

I want to give an x-tra shout out to some people that I have really been x-tra important to me…I won’t mention them by name, but if they read this they will hopefully know who they are – CB, you are sweet, funny and just all around nice. I enjoy working with you and hope that we continue to get to know each other. CABA, we haven’t spoken lately, but you are certainly in my heart and prayers – miss you, love you! NJT, I know this move has been hard on you, but I promise you, it is going to be okay! You have made the right move for you and DT! MM – funny as all get out, keep your chin up and dig your heels in, thanks for the cookies J!

How do the x-tras in your life eat up your time, energy and life?  What x-tras keep your fire going?

Thanks so much for spending  some of your x-tra time reading me….

Live, Laugh, Love ~

Vanilla Mama

A to Z Challenge - T

Again, Check out this guy's Blog!

A to Z Challenge – T

T is for Two friends, again one is a last name K**** T******* and the other is T**** S****. I will start with the newest of these two buddies.

My newest T buddy is a co-worker with my full-time job…she is smart, beautiful and has a wicked sense of humor. Have a question about a car, a collectible, business function and this woman has it. I know that she has been through a lot in her life, she has a tough as nails core but is very vulnerable and if she lets down her guard and lets you in, you better not screw around. I think that when things are rough at work we get each other through it knowing that we have each other’s back. I look forward to getting to know her better and know that our friendship will continue even if we both change jobs.

The friend in my life that I have known the longest is literally the woman that I will grow old with. We met over a decade ago when our boys were playing basketball together, we had an instant connection – In fact when I think that I have known her for a decade it blows me away, I cannot imagine a time in my life that she was not there and I don’t want to imagine a time in my life without her. Beautiful, funny, smart, a heart as big as the state we live in, sexy as hell and just flat out amazing – that’s my sister, my soul sister. The Lord did not bless me with a sister-sister, but he knew that I would need a soul partner and he gave me T****. My wonderful hubby knows that she is a life link for me and that makes me love wonderful hubby even more! I have learned parenting from her, relationships from her, life lessons from her – and she has learned from me (or so she says!).  One day we will be sitting on a porch rocking watching our great-grandchildren together!

I am going to tell ya’ll flat out, I am really a pretty private person, I know, I know – you have a blog and you are a private person….WHAT?! How does that work? I am figuring that out as I go!  There are a handful of people on this planet who really know and GET me….I can probably count them on less than two hands. I am feeling guilty that I didn’t cover everyone with the letters – one of them I TOTALLY passed all her name letters by the time I thought to do this – CABA are all her name letters…I gotta figure something out, because again another lady that I have a connection with. I did not include my Favorite Aunt L****, my Mom, My Favorite Aunt S****….but again, these woman are so much a part of my life and my heart that I do not want to think about a moment without them there. I hope that they really understand how much I love them!

I don’t often give assignments, okay, really this is my first one ever – your assignment today…let your friends know how much they mean to you! Drop them a quick e-mail, give them a call, heck even a text message will get your point across! God put these people in your life for a reason, you need them and they need you- whether they are blood relations or soul sisters (brothers), let them know TODAY that they have a piece of your heart.

Live, Laugh, Love ~

Vanilla Mama

A to Z Challenge - S

A to Z Challenge –

S – is for two friends…S**** and D** S****, again trying to protect the innocent from the ranting of the Vanilla Mama! I will warn a few people ahead of time, your time is coming, but it is ALL GOOD!

Since I used D already I had to honor D’s with her last name…that starts with S! My two oldest boys and her two sons have the same names…almost…Her oldest’s name is my middle son’s, and my oldest is her youngest son (Frosting doesn’t play into this equation, he wasn’t even a glimmer when this lovely lady and I met – although we call her Aunt “D”). We met many years ago with our kiddos in the same grades, I used to babysit them and she is one lady that is stunningly beautiful without really knowing it. I am talking drop dead gorgeous, move over Julia Roberts gorgeous! Her heart is lovely and sweet and even though we haven’t had time to speak much recently, this is a woman I know I could call in a crises and she could call me. We have shared sangria, my first cevhice, and she even braved a bridesmaid dress in my wedding – and she looked amazing!

Now S****, again I have known her for a LONG time! I, in a past life was a cubscout leader and her son was in my troop. I have been amazed by this young man’s growth and since I have already passed the letter “J” I will save him for a Fortune Cookie. A woman with a stronger backbone and heart I have not had the pleasure of meeting – beautiful inside and out! Our sons will be lifelong friends and we will too!! If I need raising kiddos in a crazy world advice, I always think of her. When I think of crazy party that is family friendly, I think of her! Am I am really bummed that the cruise we were planning as a group to celebrate our sons’ graduations fell through the floor?  You betcha!! (Don’t’ get me started on how our school district really screwed that on up!) Girl, we will be talking soon about something we can all do to celebrate – we have come this far chicha! My Pop calls her his second Mom and I gotta tell you, I trust this woman heart and soul when it comes to my kiddos. Her son is a joy in my heart and I call him one of my boys.

S is a wonderful letter – my name starts with it as well, some of my favorite people  start with it, SINGING starts with it (a BTW – I LOVE to do that!), and silence starts with it – and that’s where I am headed now…Into the silence of sleep!

Live, Laugh, Love ~

Vanilla Mama

BTW – There will be not post tomorrow. I work a weird shift and will try to make it up on Sunday. (EVEN THOUGH I HAVE TO WORK ON EASTER SUNDAY…WHAT?! UMMM!!! Did you NOT get the memo?!?! I DON’T WORK ON SUNDAY’s!!! Deep breath, in and out…I have another couple of wonderful women to talk about on T!)

A to Z Challenge - F

A to Z Challenge – F

FORTUNE!!!

“The time is right to make new “F”riends.”

What a cool fortune for today –it has  an “F” word in it and I just can’t pass it up.  And while making new friends is amazing and fun, it doesn’t take away from the stable, deep friendships that I have with some of the amazing women that I call my sisters now. When I get to the first letter of the name (or first letter of their last name – since I already passed one!) I will have to tell the world how amazing they are with still protecting the innocent…ya know, it’s really hard to protect the innocent from the Vanilla Mama!

What exactly makes a friend? What do you look for in a friend? Usually I am not really on the “make” for a new friend – it just kind of happens. There is a shared laugh, shared experience, some sort of connection that may happen in an instant or there is a kind of slow burn where over time you come to appreciate a person. I have both types, in fact I have a few friends that on the surface you would never imagine that we would be friends – but it is all about connections.

People are made to connect. People are made to form attachments – it goes back to the infancy of our human race…an individual on their own would have an extremely if not impossible time providing food and shelter, even in fact, a couple. Coming together and living in caves, people formed connections, friendships to survive. Forming groups, societies, each person giving their talents – it is how we as a human race have evolved. We are still doing it today –

I am still doing it today, I meet new people everyday in my work – both jobs – I have formed incredible friendships with people that I may never meet in person and I daily I meet people that I could imagine myself sitting across from and having a glass of wine and getting to know them better. How in the busy lives that some of us live do we nurture and feed these connections? Phone calls, IMing, Facebook, FACE TIME, even that amazing little act of jotting a note and putting it in – gasp – a MAILBOX!!

Everyday “the time is right to make new “F”riends,” Everyday! You truly never know when you might meet a soul sister (you know the song is going to start in your head!). You might meet your soul sister (brother) at a basketball game where your sons are playing together…you might meet a soul sister (brother) in middle school that even though you don’t see or hear from very often , you think about and know that you could pick up right where you left off, you could even meet a soul sister (brother) at work and know that you will still be trading silly stories for the rest of your life.

Be open, allow your heart to grow and let someone in. An incredible side effect of writing this blog is getting know other people through their blogs – I may never meet them in person – but, from reading what they have written I think I get a pretty good idea of who they are. Some people are so raw and open that you automatically feel connected, others are a bit more mysterious and you want to know more about them – so you keep reading, you dig a little deeper.

I will say, everyday “the time is right to make new “F”riends,” but no matter how many new friends I make – I will always treasure those friends that have helped me grow into the person that I am today. I won’t delve into this too deeply now – this is about new friends – but, you can always renew your friendship with someone you have known for years. In fact…I challenge you to do that today! Pick up the phone, open up your facebook, dig through your old emails and renew a connection, make a new friend – make a fresh connection!

Live, Laugh, Love ~

Vanilla Mama

BTW – Your lucky numbers today from this fortune: YOUR BEST FRIEND’S PHONE NUMBER!!!