Healing Fortune

“Time heals all wounds. Keep your chin up.”

I have heard so many variations of this through the years. We all have. It is what everyone says when something goes wrong. Through my years on this earth, I have lost grandparents, a marriage and a child. Yes, time helps…it can help. It can turn the open wound into a scab…it can turn the scab into a scar. Time.

Time can truly heal many wounds. It can heal a broken heart, if you let it. It can take your sorrow, pain and devastation and morph it into a new life with promise and hope, if you let it.  

If you let it.

I am not going to even pretend that I don’t think about my losses. They have made me who I am today, they have molded me. I know not to take a single moment for granted – but there are days when I feel totally overwhelmed. 

Days when I open my heart and look at the scars. Days when I look for the dried crusty edges of the scabs and pick at them. Days when I blame myself for the losses. There are those Days.

I would be lying if I denied it. 

“Time heals all wounds. Keep your chin up.”

These are the major wounds of my heart and I try to let time heal them. God brought me to them…He will bring me through them. Even if takes my entire life – time will heal me. 

There are other wounds, wounds that I have inflicted on myself. As if there is not enough pain in everyday life, as if I have not lost enough…I lash out at myself, inflicting wounds.  Small wounds, that over the course of time, because they are so constant and self inflicted, fail to ever scab over and heal right. 

Blaming myself for the loss of my child, my marriage – those are major self inflicted wounds on top of the actual loss. 

But, what about the little everyday things we say to ourselves? I’m not good enough. I’m not pretty enough. I’m not smart enough. I screw up everything I touch.  What kind of effect does this have on us?

It has us running to the pharmacy to fill our anti-depressants!! It has us drinking glass after glass of wine! It has us trying to numb ourselves…because time, precious time, has a very hard time healing wounds that we inflict on ourselves every day. It chips away at our soul. It sets us up for many more heart breaks, because…We let it.

“Time heals all wounds. Keep your chin up.”

How do we, you and I, get through this? How do we heal our hearts? We have to allow the healing. We have to forgive ourselves.

It is a step by step process…everyday.

Everyday, there is the choice to accept the hardship and losses that we face and allow it to become part of our backbone. Everyday…and I do mean everyday…we must forgive ourselves and stop beating ourselves up for our imagined or real shortcomings. 

Our children, our spouses, our family and our friends (yes, even our employers) deserve us at our best.  Self flagellation has no part in our everyday life. 

Time, God, Love…will heal our hearts. If we allow it. 

What happens if we do not allow it? 

Live, Laugh, Love ~

Vanilla Mama

PS – I know this is a serious post, and I have struggled with it. For those of you who know me, you know many of the inner demons that I have struggled with and continue to struggle with.  I will never make light of someone’s loss or pain. My daughter died before she was born. She was stillborn at 27 weeks. It was not just the death of a child, but the death of a dream. There are times when I blame myself for her death – even now, 17 years later. I know that when my life is done and I can finally see the face of God, I will be able to embrace her and know the plan. If you have experienced a loss, or if you are inflicting your own wounds – I am here. And you are so much MORE – You are MORE!

A to Z Challenge - K

A to Z Challenge – K

K is for Kite!

One of my favorite all time songs from a movie is – “Let’s Go Fly a Kite!” from Mary Poppins. In my full time job I see a lot of kites and kite string come through my line and every so often this crazy Vanilla Mama will break into song and treat/torture an unsuspecting person with a quick rendition of it. (If I am feeling really spunky I will even do it with an English accent!)

The younger crowd doesn’t have a clue what I am doing – but they smile, some of the little kiddos laugh, most of the parents really get a kick out of it. At least no one has complained as yet. Even my co-workers smile indulgently, maybe someday I will get a duet going.

I haven’t had a chance yet to fly a kite this year with my kiddos, but I already have a kite in reserve so that Pop, Tart and Frosting and I can get out and do that. For the older boys though, I think I will have to get them something other than the Plex kite that is leftover from last year…time to step up the game and get a stunt kite!

Last year was so much fun, we did it just on our little street and Frosting was adorable running with the kite trying to get it up in the air. Tart really had one up there and Frosting was SO jealous and wanted Tart’s string. Pop came late to the whole proceedings, but he dragged out a dragon kite that the Easter Bunny had brought and got it up in the air for a few, and wonderful hubby wasn’t home. Poor Frosting got his Kite stuck

Bottom line – grab some string, a cheap little kite and a breeze. Sing the song (lyrics below of course!) and HAVE SOME FUN!

Mr. Banks: (If you do not know who these people are get thee to a VIDEO STORE!! or CLICK HERE to watch at least the song on YouTube!)

With tuppence for paper and strings
You can have your own set of wings
With your feet on the ground
You're a bird in a flight
With your fist holding tight
To the string of your kite

Oh, oh, oh!
Let's go fly a kite
Up to the highest height!
Let's go fly a kite and send it soaring
Up through the atmosphere
Up where the air is clear
Oh, let's go fly a kite!

Bert:
When you send it flyin' up there
All at once you're lighter than air
You can dance on the breeze
Over 'ouses and trees
With your first 'olding tight
To the string of your kite

Londoners:
Oh, oh, oh!
Let's go fly a kite
Up to the highest height!
Let's go fly a kite and send it soaring
Up through the atmosphere
Up where the air is clear
Let's go fly a kite!

Live, Laugh, Love ~

Vanilla Mama

PS-I would have done Kindness for my K word - but I already covered that in a Fortune Cookie post! You can read it here!

Touching Fortune

“You have the ability to touch the lives of many people.”

How true is this? I think that this is true of everyone. From the cashier at your local retail outlet to the President of the United States – everyone has the ability to touch the lives of many people.

How do we touch people? Do we make a minimal impact, barely remembered after the door closes? A negative impact – cringing and avoidance? A positive impact that makes people actually smile on the inside when they think of you? Do people put their guard up around you or do they look forward to being around you?

Ugh – really this one is so sappy that it is a tough one to write and dig deep about.

Honestly, I know I have the ability to touch the lives of many people. If I didn’t realize that what kind of bubble would I be living in?

I don’t have the same chance that the President, a CEO or priest has, but I have my own little corner of the world that I touch. I have my family, my friends, co-workers, random strangers that I come across on a daily basis. In all truth, the random strangers are probably the hardest to “touch.” Mainly because so many of them at this point irritate me to no end…Ouch, did I just type that? Yes, Yes I did.

There seems to be a thoughtless stream of totally selfish, self absorbed, self centered people that I come across constantly. I am going to guess that they haven’t given a whole lot of thought about how they touch the lives of people around them – or if they have I don’t register on any kind of scale that matters.

In all seriousness, what kind of consequence am I to a total stranger as they are driving down the road and cut me off as I try to merge on the highway, to the point I am going to run into a concrete barrier? What kind of consequence am I to a rude person who swears at me over a DOLLAR price mistake (really happened – in front of a lot of people!) – the answer? None! Did they touch my life? YES – especially the overweight, middle aged, obviously balding man in a baseball cap that was so frustrated over a dollar that he felt like he had to yell and swear at me in front of an audience.  (The driver might have made a little more impact if I had crashed into the concrete barrier, but eventually he flipped me the bird and gave a little.)

To that person driving down the road who really felt it necessary to give me a parting gesture and then tailgate me to show his irritation that he had to actually obey the laws of traffic and force me into a concrete wall, to that person who apparently is so frustrated with their own menial life that he feels it necessary to belittle a lowly retail clerk – congratulations!!!  You have touched my life!!

“You have the ability to touch the lives of many people.”

Did you even realize that? Wow – you touched me, heart and soul, and have made me strive to be nothing like you and to never treat anyone that way. My hope for you is that you don’t have to have someone treat you like that to have that particular wake up call. My response to both of these situations could have taken that moment in a totally different direction. I could have flipped off the driver in return and slammed on the brakes, letting him crash us both into the wall…ummm, not a great idea! I could have gotten hostile back at the aging, turkey-hiney of an excuse for a man and called him out then and there for being a rude person – but, I did hold my tongue in check. Yes, I am going off a little right now, but I don’t honestly think this person would ever check out a silly little blog called Vanilla Mama’s Stuff – and if he ever did, he has probably done it to SO many other lowly clerks in his quest to feel better about his life, he wouldn’t recognize me! I offered to take care of the problem – I offered to fix what was wrong, but that was not what was wanted…I couldn’t make him happy, unless I was crying…that might have helped him feel better?!

In both cases it came down to a choice - and, I'll continue to make the same choice (I hope!).

“You have the ability to touch the lives of many people.”

So, if I have touched your life in some way, shape or form – I really hope it is positive. I hope that when you think about me you smile a little. If not, if for some reason you cringe when you think of me or you avoid me at all costs – I am sorry. I know that I am not everybody’s cup of tea but I will treat you to a cup of coffee and we can chat.

Live, Laugh, Love ~

Vanilla Mama

Lucky Numbers (cause think of the lives you could touch with a million dollars!): 16, 19, 35, 38, 42, 46.

FYI – I do not have anything against retail clerks – I am one! I do however notice that many people seem to think we as a customer service profession, are human targets to vent at. Next time you check out at a store – smile J! Most of us do this job because we like people – we’ll smile back. (At least I will!)